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This Advice Might Be a Lifesaver in Saving a Marriage

  • Your Marriage May Be Saved If You Follow This Advice

    We asked the professionals how to resurrect a dormant relationship.

    If your partner has gone from being your closest buddy to feeling like a complete stranger, you may be wondering if your marriage is in trouble. However, getting divorced is a major decision, particularly if there is a chance to rebuild what has been lost. We asked the experts for their tips on how to save a marriage so that you can stop searching for "signs you're in a loveless relationship" and begin trying to salvage what's left—if that's what you're looking for. Here's what we discovered:

    Recognize what is effective.

    Odds are, your relationship isn't always bad, but it can be difficult to focus on the positives when there's so much conflict. "Every marriage has low points," says LMSW Ellen Chute. "It is people's willingness to be open to the positives that lift them out of adversity." When you're unhappy with your partner, one way to do this is to change your inner dialogue. Instead of thinking, "I'm so annoyed that they're never home for dinner," try saying, "I'm thankful they have the Saturdays and Sundays free to spend time with the family." Positive thinking means allowing for more acceptance and it may help repair lost friendships and trust.

    Remember the good times.

    Do you remember how much fun it was to go on adventures together when you first met? Did you have any good times with each other? According to Dr. Erica MacGregor, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling, when a marriage is failing, it's essential for both partners to attempt to recognize and remember the things that once drew you to each other.

    Accept your past.

    Perhaps one of you was involved in an extramarital affair. Alternatively, you may have found something about your companion that has left you feeling completely shaken. Whatever the case may be, if you've both chosen to move forward together, it's critical to accept the situation and dedicate to a new beginning, according to MacGregor.

    Maintain an open mind.

    It can be challenging to see your partner's perspective, especially if you disagree. However, in order to save a marriage, "couples must be able to listen to something completely absurd and still see how it appears to their partner," explains Dreyfus. For example, this could simply saying something like, It's difficult to admit, but I can understand why you fantasize about other people. While it may feel awkward, "you are not betraying yourself," according to Dreyfus. Instead, you are validating your partner's truth, which brings you one step closer to restoring your relationship.

    Make time for yourself.

    Do you rely on your partner to be everything to you? If this is the case, it can be devastating to a marriage. "We cannot expect our companion to meet all of our needs," says Kelley Kitley, a psychotherapist and author.

    Recognize what you can't change.

    Author and relationship expert John Gottman believes that every relationship has its own unique set of problems that can never be solved. "These conflicts arise repeatedly in a relationship," explains MacGregor.

    Rather than fighting over these unresolvable issues, MacGregor suggests that couples come to an understanding about the deeper meaning of each other's position. "That comprehension helps to foster intimacy and connection," she says.

    Solicit assistance.

    Often, the best thing to do is to go see a licensed professional who can work with you and your partner to solve specific problems. A  good marriage therapist should remain as unbiased as possible while continuing to support and challenge both parties.

    For  <!--td border: 1px solid #ccc;br mso-data-placement:same-cell;--> alternatives to marriage counseling, visit